Only your chilled embrace
by AlyssWolf
Summary: Sam/Dean oneshot. Set during season 7. Sam struggles with the burden of his memories of hell as Dean struggles with realizing his feelings for Sam. Wincest!


Sam pulled the covers up over his head with a shiver and then continued to rub his hands over and over, trying everything that he could to retain any drop of warmth that was contained in his freezing motel room. Another rush of chilled air from the broken window in the corner of the room and Sam knew he had had it. He jerked himself out of bed and stomped out of his room, cringing when his all but frozen feet made contact with the sheet of ice that was the floor. "Jerk..." He muttered under his breath as he marched next door and tried unsuccessfully to shimmy the door to his brother's room open. "Aww c'mon!" He wrapped his arms around himself and clenching his teeth together wondered what Dean would think if he simply kicked the door down to get into his mockingly warm room. Then again, that would leave a gaping hole in the wall for all of the cold to seep in through so it would kind of defeat the purpose...

Then it hit him;the third wave of the night. This time it was so forceful that it caused his knees to buckle and a streak of blistering pain to shoot deep throughout his body. He was more than sick of his heart wrenching visions of hell."Screw it!" Sam hightailed it back to his room and ignoring the horrible throbbing of his head , wrenched open the bedside table drawer and whipped out his cellphone. After he had pressed send he smiled in triumph. If that didn't get his brother to open up, nothing would. The reply he got from Dean was nothing short of satisfactory, and Sam practically sprinted into Dean's room, pillow and blankets in hand. When Dean had closed the door he sat down on the edge of the bed and scratched the back of his neck groggily. "Sammy,I-nightmares, really?" Sam feigned the best hurt look he could muster and his stomach flipped as a look of pure concern ran across Dean's face. "You're a grown man Sam." Dean groaned as he flopped back down on his bed and curled into a ball, pulling the covers over his head. "Just sleep on the floor over there I guess, and whatever you do Sammy, do NOT snore!" Sam grinned to himself. _Yeah like I'm gonna let you make me sleep on the floor...that's not exactly what I had in mind._

He bit his lip as hurt rocketed through him and then tossed his bundle of blankets and his pillow on the ground. Then he sat down to wait, bouncing his leg nervously and massaging his now flaming hot forehead. It was so hard...he wanted Dean's comfort _now._ Sam gave a swallow and and ran his hand through his bangs. _Help..._He crossed over to his brother's bed and taking a sharp intake of breath guiltily pulled himself down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around his brother's sleeping form, nuzzling his face into the back of his neck with a deprived frown. "Mmm...Sam?" Dean whispered, his body tensing up. Sam didn't answer, but instead tightened his grip on his brother as he started to squirm. "Sam? What the hell!?" Dean flailed his arms and with a grunt shoved Sam off of him. "Dude seriously what the hell?"

Dean rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and furrowed his brow at his little brother, thoroughly annoyed that he had disrupted his rest. Sam's eyes flooded with hurt and he looked away. "Sorry...I was scared and freezing my face off...wasn't thinking." Dean rolled his eyes and then cast his gaze away, blinking with embarrassment "And because of that you decided you would just..." He pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. "Get in bed with me?" Sam shrugged and clenched the sheets into his fists, trying to suppress the shivers now racking his body. His head felt as hot as-he snickered- hell. "I know I'm acting like a little kid...just...just forget it." Sam wiped his eyes and shot out of the bed, filled to the brim with guilt and contempt at himself for his display of weakness.

But Dean jumped up after him and then stopped him right as he reached the door. "C'mere." He offered Sam his outstretched hand and grinned a little twisted grin, representing the unsettling mixture of disgust at Sam's actions and the intense need to comfort him. Sam laughed wearily and looked at the lonely wooden floor below his feet. "I'll just go back to my room." He yanked open the door and a blast of freezing air ricocheted off of the walls onto their bodies. Dean gave a sigh and shoved it closed, leading Sam by the hand to the bed. "Dude...I know what you've been going through with all of those hallucinations. Can't say I've experienced them myself but seeing you go through them is nearly as bad."

Sam's breath caught in his chest and a searing pain coursed through his body. He couldn't hold out against the memories anymore... A battered chunk of his internal protective wall came loose and shattered brutally. "Sam!" Dean shook his shoulders frantically trying to wake him from his trance. "No, no not now!" He lowered his face into his brother's and breathed across his parted lips. "C'mon, Sammy...I'm here...I'll do whatever you need." Sam cried out and Dean grabbed the side of his face and swallowed hard. He knew what his brother wanted. He wasn't an idiot;he had carefully taken note of his odd behavior ever since Cas had cruelly torn down the protective wall inside of his head. He had listened somberly to his deprived mutterings in the dead of night.

He brushed his thumb over Sam's cheekbone and closed his eyes. "I'm here for you Sammy." He whispered weakly as he gently pressed his lips against Sam's, his hands firmly pinning him to the bed as he continued to writhe in his own private hell. When Sam still didn't snap back to reality he grimaced, and sick with guilt and reluctance, slid Sam's shirt off as well as his own and then slowly kissed him again. It shouldn't matter...whatever Sam needed him to do for him, he should do it...they were after all brothers. But that was wrong in and of it's self...He lowered himself on top of his brother. This always felt so incredibly wrong...so painfully right. He HAD to give Sammy what he wanted or he surely would never wake up. Dean ran his hands down Sam's torso and kissed his neck feverishly. _C'mon Sammy...don't make this something it doesn't have to be._

All of the sudden Sam sat up with a cry and breathing heavily looked around the room in a panic, his eyes darting to every spot except to the face directly in front of him. "Sammy!?" When Sam still didn't look at him he snapped his fingers in his face and yelled at him."Hey, hey! I'm right here!" Sam's panicked eyes locked then with Dean's and he immediately let out a heavy sigh of relief and he fell onto the bed after grabbing hold of Dean's shoulders. They stayed silent for a few chilled moments in the still blackness until Sam drew his head up to peck Dean's cheek and then pulled him down to settle next to him on the bed.

"Are you alright now?" Dean finally asked after more tense and worried silence. In the darkness Dean more felt then saw Sam nod slightly and promptly released a breath that he wasn't aware he was holding. "Don't you dare let me go Dean." Sam whispered brokenly as he pressed his face into Dean's bare chest, searching for the ever calming rhythmic beat that was his brother's heart. Dean forced a smile as he began to stroke Sam's hair and pulled the blankets over their chilled bodies. "I wouldn't dream of it." Sam breathed in his brother's familiar scent and finally feeling a blissful sense of peace,whispered; "I'm so, so sorry Dean...that I want this...when I know you don't...not really." Dean's face softened and he planted a kiss on Sam's forehead, wrapping his arms around his limp form. "I'll do anything for ya Sammy." When Sam didn't say anything in response Dean pulled him into a long hard kiss and grateful for the cloak of darkness, allowed a deep blush to spread across his face as he ran his tongue down Sam's face;an action filled with soft desperation. "Sleep well, Sammy."


End file.
